Look, the thesis of this whole thing was gonna “it’s important to save your work because otherwise you might lose it.” I wanted to write a big essay on why it’s important. I’m very distracted because I’m sitting outside and some old dude just started smoking a cigarette 2 feet upwind of me and it’s kinda ruined my aura. The nicotine is not coalescing to my chakras, ya know. My dad tells me writing is so easy; just 15 minutes or so and then I’ve catalogued what I’ve said. Well, yesterday I spent like 2 hours writing; writing about my move to LA, writing about a song called “North Carolina Queen” I’ve just demoed, writing about rediscovering old music. Then I hit back and it loaded a new page and everything was gone. I froze. I opened up a new document and began typing the first sentence of what I’d just written, and stopped because that was ridiculous. I wasn’t gonna get those words back; even if I sat for another 2 hours and tried to rewrite it from memory, it’d be full of cut corners and half-remembered imagery. All hope was lost.
Today is a new day, with new thoughts. My head isn’t swimming in the poetic themes of my move, or my favorite parts of what I learned writing “North Carolina Queen,” and I’m listening to different music. As much as I want to have the words from yesterday, it’s not as if I want to spend my day painting the same image I painted yesterday. Sometimes that’s frustrating because I get so caught up in having the finished painting, I forget that the only paintings worth getting out of bed for are the ones I haven’t painted yet. It’s the act of creating that glues me together. Even if it’s creating next to that guy smoking what’s now his second cigarette. Goddam how I hate this guy next to me smoking his cigarette. Kinda reminds me of hitting back and deleting all my work.
Anyways, life sucks, but somehow the fact that it goes on is what makes it worth living. Don’t save your work ever, kids. Just try your best and make it count so that you get used to trying your best and making it count. No matter if you save your work, tomorrow you’ll always have more to do. And if you didn’t have more work to do, why get out of bed?
While you’re getting used to things, get used to disappointment too. It reminds you that you want more. Or something. Idk someone please get this guy and his pack of cigarettes to move. It’s a tough job; he’s got a walker and everything. You’re gonna look like a real big dick asking a guy who needs help walking to move. But he’s like sitting in the coffee shop patio smoking a cigarette without actually buying anything and I’m sitting here choking over my coffee.